An Honest Look at 10 Years of Marriage

I'm sure my husband is looking at this blog title and sweating.  He's like "Oh crap, what in the world is she sharing with the world now?"  I'm not totally sure where this thing is going yet, but I think for the most part he'll be fine.  In other words, the pros definitely outweigh the cons and I'm counting on another 10 years of marriage and more {insert laughing emoji here}. 

Our story is rare.  The highlights will make you go "awwwww", but it's not alway that simple.

It's our 10 year wedding anniversary today.  For those who don't know, I met and fell in love with Tyler when I was like 6 years old.  My mom was his babysitter.  10 years after that my sister convinced him to ask me to his Junior Prom and we started dating (we went to a total of 3 proms together).  5 years later we got engaged for his birthday and two years after that we were married.  If you're doing the math, that means we've been together for 17 years.  More than half my life.  I know nothing, but him and I wouldn't have it any other way.  See what I mean?  Awwwww!!! So sweet.  This is the condensed story everyone gets and I like this version a lot.


The true story about this photo is that we agreed not to do this.  I made it very clear it was my wedding day and I didn't need my make up all messed up from the time of cake cutting on.  It just wasn't necessary and we both agreed.  The moment we had that cake cut and in our hands, I saw that look in his eyes that told me everything I needed to know.  Neither one of us needed to say a word.  The deed was done.  This is one of my favorite photos from our wedding.  I love that it comes with a story I actually remember and can still tell.  I was never mad at him for this even though my make up was basically done afterwards for the rest of the night.  

After we were married, I moved in with Tyler at his parent's house for a few months before we rented our first apartment in San Antonio so Tyler could finish school.  The economy sucked and I remember thinking if we could make it through the first year of marriage being out on our own for the first time in the worst economy we'd seen in our lifetimes, then we could probably do just about anything.  It's amazing how difficult something so simple can seem.  Looking back, those three years and two apartments in San Antonio were by far the easiest and simplest era of our marriage.  There were definitely moments of frustration with the stage of life we were in, but our frustrations weren't really with each other.  After three years I really wanted a baby, but we were technically broke and living in a one bedroom apartment with no health insurance.  

This was also around the time things got a little rough for me personally with my family.  I was an emotional mess.  I cried regularly and found peace with music and Tyler became even more my everything.  My guess is he probably never knew what to do with me, but he'd just let me have my feelings and then, being the grounded one, he'd ignore me when my ideas seemed crazy to him.  If he'd gone with everything I said, we'd be living half way across the country right now or something crazy like that.  Now I'm glad we didn't do that.

What we did end up doing was moving back to Austin.  We rented another one bedroom apartment near a part of town we wanted to live in and Tyler took a job downtown that he was initially excited about.   He worked there for 4 months and on the day I finally received a job offer with the State, he lost his job.  I started working in downtown Austin and he went back to work in San Antonio.  After 8 months in that apartment and me finally having a job with health insurance, we decided we needed to buy a house.  The two things we always said we needed before having children was a second bedroom and health insurance.  Buying a house would mean we'd have both of those things.  That was six years ago in May and probably the start of when we began to feel like real adults and living that oh so glamorous adult life (that's sarcasm), but having met our requirements for baby making meant we could actually start working on that.  We announced our pregnancy at Christmas that year, Tyler started working in Austin in July and then Saida was born in August.  Somewhere between buying a house and announcing a baby, we started to work out my family issues.

Aparently Saida was what we all needed when we needed her most.


Another funny story. Saida was born right before the season finale of the Bachelorette.  I remember watching the Monday before she was born, knowing she was scheduled for induction that week, thinking next week we'd have our baby in our arms doing this exact same thing.  It wasn't the calm, all is right moment I had pictured in my head though.  Like every new mom ever is laughing at me right now.  What were we thinking?  We thought we were ready.  Maybe we were as ready as first time parents can be, but oh my word we had our work cut out for us.  As happy as I was to have my Saida, I'm not a newborn mom and that first few weeks of her life were definitely the most emotionally draining few weeks of mine.  

Kids changed our relationship though or added a new set of challenges you could say.  I have a problem with not asking for help when I need it.  I think I should be able to handle all the things on my own and if I can't then I must not be doing a good job.  I have a feeling a lot of women feel like that.  And then the worst part is that when it comes to our husbands, we just expect them to know what it is we need help with and to just help without us having to ask.  I still do that sometimes, but it is something I'm actively working on most days.

I find now if I just ask Tyler to do something or help me with something, he generally is happy to do it.  I just have to remember to ask instead of going into the mode of he should just know.  When I feel like a nut on the struggle bus, I must actually look like I have it all together is all I can figure.  

I read something recently and I can't remember where, but it was a blog post about why this woman stopped asking her husband to "help" her.  It resonated with me a little bit.  It was basically saying that when we ask our husbands for "help", we are saying this thing is our job (not theirs) and it sends the message that whatever this thing we need help with isn't their responsibility unless we ask for help.  Does that make sense?  I don't know, but maybe I'll try to stop saying help.


We still make things challenging for each other on the regular.  We're in a stage of life currently where when people ask you how your doing, you can't just say "same ole, same ole".  I can't even keep up with it all.  It's insane.  It's still changing.  Like big, life changing things are literally going down tomorrow, but I can't even talk about it today.  

You know we have this idea in our head of what we want.  It's our end destination, but for some reason we feel like we should be there already and we're in such a hurry.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm only 33 and it's cool if my life isn't completely figured out and it's okay if we live on a tiny lot compared to the acreage we'd like to have.  It's also okay if my house is a little smaller than I'd like it and if the projects haven't been gotten to yet.  I wasn't going to relax when those things were done anyway so what does it matter.  You just move on to the next stressful thing, right?  

Anyway, I guess what all my rambling comes down to is there isn't anyone I'd rather share my stresses and struggles with.  Life isn't easy, neither one of us are perfect, but somehow it all works.  If I'm going to be in the trenches of life, I still want it to be with Tyler just as much today as I did back then.  I kinda love that guy.  I'd marry him again 1000 times. 

photo by mel christina photography

photo by mel christina photography